


A Piece Of Ground In This Town

by Fallenstar126



Category: NoPixel
Genre: Agoraphobia, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Caretaking, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Platonic Cuddling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-09 18:43:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20999543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallenstar126/pseuds/Fallenstar126
Summary: your friends all think I’m lonely, but they don’t really know meRyan hadn’t seen the sunlight in a week. His eyes burned from the dim light of his hotel room, where he’d spent the past 3 days huddled under his sheets, unable to sleep or to move. His phone had died within the first day of his isolation, and he hadn’t bothered to plug it in, knowing that all that it could be used for was to bother him.





	A Piece Of Ground In This Town

Ryan hadn’t seen the sunlight in a week. His eyes burned from the dim light of his hotel room, where he’d spent the past 3 days huddled under his sheets, unable to sleep or to move. His phone had died within the first day of his isolation, and he hadn’t bothered to plug it in, knowing that all that it could be used for was to bother him. 

Even the thought of someone calling him gave him the shakes, as he buried his face into his pillow again. He hadn’t spoken to anyone since the last time he went outside, which was well over a week ago now. A part of him was pretending to be shocked that no one had checked in on him the whole time, but the bigger part of his mind was telling him that it made sense, that no one cared enough to check on him, why would anyone look for him if he went missing?

Eventually he had to pull himself out of his bed to the bathroom, and when he looked at himself in the mirror, he didn’t even recognize himself. His face was gaunt, eyes sunken deep into his skull, and he couldn’t stop shaking. Ryan spent far too long staring at himself in the mirror, hatred sinking deeper and deeper into his mind. He was pathetic, he couldn’t even convince himself to peek out the window into the world, anxiety gripping him when he even thought of it. 

In the end, he hung a towel over the mirror so he couldn’t have to look at himself anymore, and finished his business in the bathroom. As he exited, he could hear footsteps walking past his apartment. His anxiety spiked, the thought of them knocking on his door making his hands shake violently. 

His feet were nailed to the floor until the footsteps were far past his door, when he could finally crawl back into his bed. His breathing was coming fast, too fast, his heart pounding outside of his chest and his brain burning. 

It probably took him about 10 minutes to fully calm down, to calm his breathing and become numb. He was exhausted afterwards, but he couldn't sleep, his eyes unable to close.

He suddenly became acutely aware of the state of both himself, and his apartment. He hadn’t showered in days, and his comfort clothing weren't the most put together he could have been. There were half empty water glasses littered around his room, as well as the occasional graham cracker box and Ryan began to feel the anxiety grasping at his throat. He felt disgusting, looking around the room that he had been trapped in for over a week. 

“I um… I’ve been… I…” Ryan stammered, trying to find an explanation, but his voice broke, and he couldn’t hold it back anymore. The tears began to roll down his cheeks, burning the skin they touched, and he scrubbed at his face so that Reed wouldn’t see, but he was already staring, and God he wanted to sink into the floor so Reed would just stop looking at him like that, damn it.

But Reed didn’t look angry. It was almost worse, he looked like he pitied Ryan, and it made him want to ball his fists up and slam his head against a wall. “Ryan…” He started, and his voice was soft, and Ryan wanted to scream, to yell at him to stop talking like that, to leave him alone, and his hands were shaking and his breath wouldn't stop coming in short bursts and he was starting to feel light headed, oh god. 

His legs gave out, and Ryan sunk to the floor, silent and sniffling. Reed rushed over, and knelt down beside him, rubbing a soothing hand over his back, and Ryan flinched away from the touch. It burned, like a hot brand, and Ryan had to choke back a sob. He hated this, he hated how weak he felt, and he hated the silence, Reed was always so talkative, and he wasn’t saying a word now. 

“I-I’m sorry-” Ryan gasped out between heaving sobs, unable to control himself anymore, panic grasping at something in his chest, and he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t focus on anything but how shit he felt inside.

“Ryan. Shut up.” Reed warned, and wrapped him in his arms. “I’ve been worried about you all week, I’m more relieved to know you’re alive and not dead in some river.” Reed’s words were harsh, and Ryan flinched from the impact. Reed stood, holding a hand out for Ryan, and he took the hand carefully, still on edge. 

“Let's get you into the shower, okay?” Reed said, intentionally keeping his voice even and calm. Ryan didn’t reply, trying to control his breathing as he was led to the bathroom. Reed shot a glance to the towel covered mirror, and didn’t say a word, just turning on the water and letting it run for him. “Hop in whenever you’re comfortable, I’m going to go make some calls, okay?” Reed gestured to the shower, and then left, leaving the door slightly ajar. 

He couldn’t help but feel like a shelter puppy, being carefully looked after until he got comfortable and he hated it. But Reed was right, a shower would do him some good. 

Ryan spent a long time sitting in the hot spray of the shower, letting the grime from the previous week wash down the drain. As he sat, letting the water spray against his back, he could hear Reed quietly talking with someone on the phone. He couldn’t quite hear anything particular over the noise of the shower, but he could hear the noise of the sink being run, and the quiet clank of dishes in the water. 

He knew he spent way too long in the shower, but it took him far too long to gather the energy to grab his bottle of shampoo and wash himself properly. When he finally turned the shower off, Reed had put a fresh pair of sweatpants and a large t-shirt on the bathroom counter. He gave a halfhearted effort to dry himself off before slipping into the clothing, and turning to look at the towel covered mirror. He stared at it for a good thirty seconds before he finally shook his head, and grabbed his toothbrush and toothpaste from the counter.

When he finished with the bathroom stuff, he felt a little more alive, but the panic was still clawing at his throat. He exited the washroom, and Reed looked up from the almost finished dishes, and dried his hands. On the counter in front of him was two pizza’s, as well as a couple other various treats he knew that Ryan enjoyed as comfort food. 

“I don’t really know the correct way to deal with all of this, but I know that you need to eat. All I could find… was fucking… graham cracker boxes.” Reed gestured to his garbage, where he could see the boxes had been placed in the recycling. The apartment had been tidied, and a couple of the windows opened, to let the air flow through the stuffy apartment. The setting sunlight filtered in, and Ryan shied away from it. 

If Reed noticed, he didn’t say anything. 

The next couple of days were spent making slow progressions on heading into the real world again. Reed refused to leave his side the whole time, being careful with him, and Ryan found that he didn’t mind as much.

The first day, Reed tried to get him to go on a drive up to Mount Chiliad, but they made it as far as the car before Ryan became a mess, his hands grasping the wheel, white knuckled and shaking. Reed had just wordlessly brought him back to his apartment, and closed the windows for him.

Each day got better though, with Reed convincing him to spend longer and longer amounts of time outside, until they were able to reach the car, then the corner store, and then the hardware store. 

The night Reed deemed him well enough to sleep on his own was rough. Ryan didn’t want to admit it, but he had gotten used to the quiet noises of Reed next to him in bed, Reed pulling him closer when his mind started to worry, Reed pressing a soft kiss to his temple, Reed not pushing him into anything. 

He couldn’t sleep without him there.

So that’s how Ryan found himself going out of his apartment at 2 am, alone for the first time in three weeks. The drive over was full of panic, each sudden movement out of the corner of his eye making him jump, but he managed to make it there, even if he was going 50 over the speed limit. 

When Ryan pounded at Reed’s door, it took a moment for him to answer. When he did, he smelled of weed and Ryan could hear a couple other voices filtering from the kitchen. 

“I-I couldn’t sleep.” Ryan stammered, and Reed reached out, placing a hand on his cheek. 

“Sweetie, I’m glad to see you.” Reed said warmly, and pulled him into the house. It was smokey, and it wasn’t helping the anxiety go down, but he focused on Reed’s hand on the small of his back.

He was lead past the kitchen, where he could see a couple people sitting around the table, smoking and drinking. Guilt began to sink into his gut, but Reed seemed to sense this, hand squeezing lightly at his back. 

They arrived to Reed’s bedroom, which was really just a room with a bed on the ground. “Lay down, honey.” Ryan followed Reeds instruction, and Reed laid beside him, pulling him close and arranging them so Ryan’s head was on his chest.

He could still hear the group of people in the kitchen, but Reed didn’t seem to care that there was people still in his house, running a slow hand through Ryan’s hair, his own breath evening out. 

“Ryan?” Reed spoke after what felt like hours of them laying there, the kitchen now silent, the others having left a while previously. He hummed a questioning response, staring at the wall opposite the bed. “Do you want to move in with me?”

Ryan didn’t know how to respond. His mind instantly went to the smoke hanging low around the apartment, large groups of people hanging around the house at random times, and the panic began to climb up his throat again, choking him until his brain forced him to breath, and as he sucked in a breath, his mind brought forward the image of Reed smiling at him early in the morning, Reed beside him every night, Reed looking at him with concern from his silence- 

Oh. 

“Can I… Can I think about it?” There was a small part of Ryan that felt like an asshole about it after a look of hurt came across Reed’s face, and he couldn’t stop his hands shaking a little, his mind instantly jumping to the worst possible conclusion, him being kicked out, having to drive home again, never seeing him again, and a river of apologies came flowing out of his mouth before he could stop it, and Reed hushed him, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. 

“Ryan, you’re fine. I figured that I should offer, if this was going to be a more common thing. I love you.” 

Ryan went back to staring at the wall, his own feelings not quite clear, until Reed broke through his thoughts by repeating himself once more. 

“I think I love you too.” Ryan whispered, not moving his gaze from the wall.

**Author's Note:**

> be sure to follow 
> 
> curvyelephant - Ryan Parker  
0reed - Reed Dankleaf
> 
> Title from Sophie - The Altogether
> 
> no i will not tell you my twitch name smile


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